A game in which… Orient 2012/13 did a pretty good impression
of a football team. Unfortunately that football team was Orient 2011/12. Yes,
this was a performance that picked off where last season ended: idea-less in
the opponents’ half, susceptible in defence and lacking in cutting edge.
So while the gritty 6ft-plus ballwinners added to the team at least gives us a bit of bite in midfield, without any playmakers (like Matthew
Spring) or someone to carry the ball forward (like Stephen Dawson), our ability
to unlock an opposition defence is akin to a gang of safecrackers who turn up
at Fort Knox armed with nothing but a feather duster and a blancmange.
Moment of magic… Slim pickings here, but let’s go for
Michael Symes, who by the looks of him has never had slim pickings of anything
in his life. Still, the former Rochdale man did at least convert the soft
penalty awarded to Orient as a consolation.
Moment of madness… Tranmere’s decision to excessively time-waste
when 3-0 up when they could quite easily have scored a hatful more. Hope you
don’t miss out on the play-offs on goal difference, lads!
Knight in shining armour… Until he got injured, Scott
Cuthbert was holding the defence together like a valiant firefighter putting
out a raging inferno with his own bare hands while those around him flapped
around aimlessly firing toy water pistols and throwing cups of Ribena.
Pantomime horse… No, not David Mooney today, but new right
back Lloyd James. The new signing spent the first half hour repeatedly gifting
the ball to the opposition as if he was in some sort of Olympic-inspired
pageant-swapping ritual in which Tranmere refused to take part. Worse still,
for the home side’s first goal right back Zoumana Bakayogo didn’t so much as
leave him for dead, but battered him over the head with a blunt instrument and
dumped him in the Wirral.
In the dug out… Kevin Nugent: “Hey Russ, we’re 2-0 down with
25 minutes to go and things don’t seem to be working – reckon we should change
things round a bit? Maybe make a substitution? Perhaps bring on one of the two
strikers you’ve only just signed?” Russell Slade: “That’s the sort of kneejerk
tactical naivety I’d expect from you, Nuge. If big Clarko can stuff one in the
mixer and big Moono can get on the… oh, they’ve scored again.”
Opposition view… Tranmere fan Paul Harper says, politely: “I
thought Tranmere dominated for 70 minutes and played some good stuff. We scored
three very good goals. Orient looked lacklustre until the final 20 minutes. They
stepped it up at the end and threw people forward, but it was too little too
late.”
Meanwhile on Twitter… Terrible news for Jimmy Smith when - as this picture he tweeted shows - he became stuck in a massage chair in an M1 service station for 27 hours and was thus unable to play in today's game. What - he was playing?! Did anyone see him? Did he do anything?
Statto corner… This was Orient’s 26th consecutive
opening-day defeat, the last victory coming in 1986 when Terry Howard
bamboozled the Brentford defence by wandering on to the pitch unnoticed 38
minutes into the game having been persuaded to watch ‘one last race’ at Walthamstow
Dogs.